If Father Time was a Negotiating Man…

I grew up in the 1980’s and I had a pretty normal childhood. I had a hardworking father and a nurturing mother and a lot of brothers and sisters. My parents expected me to go to school, make good grades and be respectful to my teachers. I was raised Catholic and I attended catechism every Wednesday with my neighborhood friends. It is safe to say that my family was deeply rooted in traditional Latino values.

Growing up in a small town in the Texas Panhandle was also a good experience, it was safe, friendly, and conservative. I lived in the same house, on the same street, surrounded by the same neighbors throughout my young adult life. Sunday barbeques and friendly basketball games on my driveway were not uncommon in my neighborhood.

I attended a high school where I knew everyone’s name. It was fun and it afforded me the opportunity to be involved in many school extra-curricular activities. I enjoyed playing high school sports, participating in the yearly one-act play and being an active member of the student council. I had a great circle of friends who shared the same interests and were involved in the same activities. I blended nicely.

Small town life was steady. Small town life was picture-perfect.

Outwardly, it appeared that I was your typical All-American kid – I excelled in the classroom, I was a good athlete and I was popular with my high school peers.

Inwardly, I was struggling. I had a huge secret that I guarded ferociously. It was a piece of me that I was too scared to share with anyone. I was terrified that if exposed, it would tear my whole world apart.

I was gay. I hated it. I hated myself and I wondered what I had done wrong to make God punish me this way. Why had He burdened me with this horrible thing.

I was gay. I hated it. I spent so much time trying to conceal my natural tendencies, pretending to be someone that I was not. I wore so many masks that I sometimes tricked myself into believing the façade.

I was gay. I hated it. Even though I was popular and had many friends, I trusted no one. I isolated myself and didn’t let anyone see the real me. As a result, I hurt people along the way.

Today, I have a great life and I have a wonderful professional career. I have found my soulmate and we have shared twenty amazing years together. I am truly content.

But, every now and again my mind wanders and I think of my teenage years and wonder what my life would have been like if I would have made different decisions – if I would have had the courage to embrace my sexuality sooner. Would my life have turned out like it is now?

If Father Time was a negotiating man and he allowed me to time travel back 35 years, this is the advice I would give my teenage self. I would say.

Breathe. You are going to be okay.

You are gay. Pray about it. God loves you. He does not make mistakes. He has a plan for you.

You are gay. Love yourself. You are perfect just the way you are right now. You are exactly who you are supposed to be.

You are gay. Trust yourself. Live your truth. Trust your family and friends because you have more support than you think.

These are the same life lessons that are embedded in The Valiente Series. My hope is that these messages will resonate with my reading audience and inspire love, acceptance, and courage.